


How to Fall In Love For Dummies

by SamxXxBluePulser



Series: For Dummies [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fluff and Angst, GamTav - Freeform, Humanstuck, Jealous bby's hnnnng, M/M, Some Karezi, johndave - Freeform, solkat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-11 08:09:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamxXxBluePulser/pseuds/SamxXxBluePulser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat is in trouble. All his friends think he has a boyfriend, and expect him to bring his 'mystery man' as a date to a wedding. When Karkat finds a fake date in the form of Sollux Captor, he think he's off the hook. Of course, being a cocky prick, Sollux doesn't make playing the role of his 'fake' boyfriend very easy. Karkat isn't falling in love with him, not at all. Solkat.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is already published on Fanfiction.net under the same user.

“Karbro, I don’t motherf*ckin’ care if your boyfriend has other plans! Just make sure he comes, or Nepeta will have your head up and on her shipping wall!”

I hung up and threw my phone across the room with a loud swear, an angry growl escaping my mouth.

This was just bloody great. Just what I needed on top of everything else.

John and Dave were getting married, and Nepeta was throwing them a huge fancy wedding. I didn’t even know them that well, but everyone—meaning Gamzee and Nepeta—asked why I didn’t want to come, if I had such an amazing boyfriend?

Well, I had a perfectly explainable reason.

I didn’t actually have a boyfriend.

About a week ago, Gamzee and his boyfriend for 3 years, Tavros, were in a fight, so the idiot crashed at my flat for three days. After living with that psycho dumbass for 72 hours, I was going to slit his throat in his sleep, so I told him my boyfriend was coming over and he had to leave.

Worst. Mistake. Ever.

Gamzee wanted to know every little detail about my ‘boyfriend,’ so I had to make up a bunch of crap about how I had been dating him for almost 2 weeks, and how I had met him at a club and we had both caught each other’s eye. I had been relieved when he left in a hurry, but of course, he went straight to Nepeta and Vriska, telling them that ‘little Karbro had a boy toy!’

I was so close to going over there and strangling that little b*stard, but I had other problems on my hands. Nepeta wanted to meet him, and when I flatly refused, she asked for pics. Since I obviously didn’t have any, she was very upset. Now, this whole bloody wedding ceremony was in two days, and she had told everyone to bring dates, mentioning that I had a boyfriend.

I was screwed. Totally screwed. I had no way out of this whole sh*tty mess, so I decided on doing what a mature and responsible 21-year old would do.

I put a pillow over my head and screamed every single cuss word that came to mind. I so busy being mature that I almost didn’t hear my cracked phone buzzing. Stomping into the kitchen and picking it off the floor, I accepted the call and growled, “What?”

“I’m so pleased y-you’re in such a good mood, Kar.” A chilly voice spoke slowly on the other end, and I resisted the urge to throw the phone back onto the floor.

“Do you need something, Ampora?” I spat out, not bothering to disguise the emotion in my voice. I could hear him snicker lightly, and my grip on the phone tightened.

“W-well y-yes, actually. I hear that y-you have a boyfriend. Is that true?” he asked, and I bit down on my lip. I could never lie to Eridan. As much as I insulted him and as much as he ignored me, he always came to me for advice, so the least he could do was listen to my problems.

“No. I just needed a reason to kick Gamzee out.” I finally admitted, striding to the couch and flopping down so I could stretch my legs.

“W-well, I think I know w-where you can get a fake boyfriend.” Eridan replied. I sat up straighter, frowning.

“What do you mean?”  
“I texted y-you a link.”

There was a short beep, and I pulled the phone away from my ear, hanging up the call. The link was for some website called Instant Date. Warning bells started to ring in my head, but I clicked the link anyway. I blinked and knitted my brows as I stared at bright blue writing across the top of the page.

As I scrolled down the site and looked at all of the tabs, I came to a few conclusions.

First off, you could ‘rent’ a fake boyfriend or girlfriend for as long as you wanted.

Second off, the company offered a free week trial for testing out your date.

Third off, it was just the thing I needed for the wedding.

I dialed the number for the department for bi/gay dates, and a cheery voice exclaimed, “Hi!” right in my ear. I groaned, toning down the volume a but before responding.

“Yeah, hey. I was looking for a guy to act as my boyfriend for some wedding. I’m 21.” I explained, and heard the rustling of papers.

“Well, we have two people available. One of them is, ah, a stripper—“

“The other one.” I cut in before she could continue. The last thing I needed was some random guy stripping down the aisle. I shuddered at the very thought.

“Well, ok honey. His name is Sollux Captor, and he’s 23. He’s pretty experienced at faking, so I think you’ll find him suitable.” She said, giggling a little.

I gave her my address and told her to send him over later today so I could prep him for what to say on our ‘relationship.’ If some far off god was taking pity on me, I would get a guy who was mostly shy and quiet, and not a royal pain.

A few hours later, after I had dinner and replied to 26 of Gamzee’s text with F*CK OFF, the doorbell rang. I assumed it was Sollux Captor—what kind of name is that anyways?—and took a deep breath before opening up the door.

A tall, slender sandy-haired man with blue and red glasses was standing on the steps, a slight smirk playing on his face. He was wearing black jeans and a dressy yellow shirt. His eyes looked as if one was red and the other was blue, thanks to his weird glasses.

“Are you going to thand there all day and check me out, or actually let me in?” he asked, and I inwardly groaned. Great.

I stepped aside and locked the door behind him as he surveyed my flat. I felt a little awkward in my sweats and baggy hood; the fact that I hadn’t bothered to clean up for weeks didn’t really help.

“I don’t know your name.” Sollux turned to me, and I rolled my eyes. Of course the lispy f*cker didn’t.

“Karkat Vantas.” I told him stiffly, and a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, revealing slightly pointy teeth.

“Cute. I think I’ll call you KK.” he answered, grin widening when I flushed and spluttered, “Cute?! And no you bloody won’t.”

“Aw, KK, that’th no way to talk to your boyfriend.” Sollux wrapped an arm around me—or at least tried to, because I ducked out of his grasp and glowered at him.

“Shut up, you asshole. We only have to put up an act in front of people.”

He simply chuckled, that cocky grin of his never faltering, and I felt my eye twitch.

“Tho, what ith the act?” he made himself comfy on the couch, kicking off his black sneakers. I huffed, standing in front of him and crossing my arms. He raised an eyebrow and looked up as I began to talk.

“First off, we’ve been dating for three weeks. We met at a club and danced together and all that shit. No, we did not do _it_!” I caught sight of his smirk and resisted the urge to smack him.

“There’s a wedding in two days, and you’ll attend as my date. Along with a bunch of other stupid parties.” I rattled off.

“Ith that all? Juth for a week?” Sollux questioned, and I nodded. He seemed to think this over, and then without warning, shot his hand out to grab my wrist. I was so surprised that I didn’t struggle as he pulled me on top of him, wrapping an arm around my waist. As soon as I recovered, I squirmed, hitting his arm as hard as I could, but his grip was strong.

“What the hell? Let me go, Captor!” I hissed, struggling and pounding my fists on his shoulder, as that was the easiest body part I could locate at this angle. The cocky prick just chuckled and adjusted me so that my back was to his chest, his arms snaking tightly around my waist to keep me in place.

“If we’re going to act like a couple, then we need thome practith.” He murmured in my ear, his breath hot on my neck. I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks; it had been a while since I had been this intimate with someone. Promptly biting his hand, I jerked off and fell onto the floor. He gave a slight hiss of pain, rubbing his hand where I broke the skin. Blood tricked down, staining the carpet.

“Not cool, KK.” He said as I retrieved a tissue and dabbed at the sticky red liquid on the floor. Once that was as clean as it was going to get, I thrust the tissue at Sollux, not really caring if I had hurt him. The prick deserved it.

“Listen up, Captor. We don’t need to practice anything!” I snapped, watching his dab at his hand.

“You’re violent for such a small person.” He remarked, ignoring what I was saying. I felt my blood boil, and reached up a hand to smack the side of his head, but he effortlessly caught my wrist and pulled it down, smirking.

“God, I hate you!” I yelled, stalking off to my room. Hopefully, he would take it as a cue to leave. Sure enough, I heard him call, “I’ll be back tomorrow, babe!” I dropped my head into a pillow as I heard him laugh and close the front door behind him.

What mess had I gotten myself into?

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soon to be Solkat date yayyyyyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow uh I can't write Karkat at all.

By the time I rolled out of bed at noon, took a quick shower, and walked into the kitchen to get breakfast wearing just a pair of jeans, Sollux was sitting on my couch, tapping away on his phone. I gave a very unmanly shriek as soon as I saw him. He just looked up at me with a small smirk.

“What—what the hell are you doing here? How did you get in? You lisping ass—“

“Now, now, KK. Don’t you know how to treat gueth?” Sollux chuckled at my red face, and I just groaned, stomping back into my bedroom for a shirt. When I emerged, he was looking through my fridge. I was about to find the nearest object and throw it at him when he turned and tossed me an apple. Surprised, I caught it with one hand and stared curiously at him, my anger fading away.

Today he was wearing light blue jeans and a casual yellow shirt with white cuffs. My eyes trailed up to his high cheekbones, slender jaw, and those tinted blue and red eyes. I realized I had been checking him out, and immediately dropped my gaze. Why was I looking at him anyway? I hated him, that cocky prick. Plus, I was just curious about what color eyes he had.

“KK? Hello?” a slightly annoyed expression formed on Sollux’s face as he stared down at me, and I blinked, refocusing on his ridiculous glasses.

“What color are your eyes?” I demanded, and he looked taken aback before smirking.

“Interethed in me, huh?” he gave me that cocky grin again, and I growled, not bothering to respond. I sat on the small table, munching on my apple. Sollux sat across from me, stirring his warm milk glass. I frowned, smelling something sickeningly sweet.

“Honey,” he said, setting the spoon down on the table with a soft clink and raising the cup to his mouth. I made a face and took a huge bite of my apple, relishing the crispy, red, outer layer.

“It’th tho good.” He smiled at me, the first real smile I had ever seen on his face.

“Your lisp makes you sound retarded.” I said to him; he just rolled his eyes and drank his milk. I ate down all the way to the apple’s core and tossed it onto the counter behind me.

The both of us just sat there in peaceful silence. The only sounds were Sollux sipping quietly and drops of water falling from my damp hair. I ran a hand through it and brought my crimson eyes up to meet his glasses. He still hadn’t answered my question about his eyes.

As if he could read my mind, he said, “Thee for yourthelf.”

Reaching across the table, I slowly pulled off his glasses—and my eyes widened. Sollux’s eyes weren’t tinted by his glasses. One really was red; the other blue. My breath hitched in my throat. One was like my own red eyes, and the other the color of the deep ocean. Of course, that dumbass had to ruin the moment.

“Like them?” Sollux smirked like he already knew the answer, which of course he did. The admiration was still etched across my face. I hastily morphed my expression into one of annoyance, retorting, “Shut up.”

“Tho you do like them.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t deny it either.”

“F*ck you, Captor.” I leaned back, crossed my arms, and glared at the dark blonde. He laughed, amused.

“Anyway, my amazing eyeth athide, what’th the plan?” Sollux asked, setting down his cup with a slight rattle.

“The wedding is tomorrow.” I stated, simple and clear.

“Whoth wedding?” he asked curiously.

“Two guys. Don’t really know them.” I shrugged, standing up and sweeping my apple core off the counter. As the same time, I pulled open a drawer to reveal a trashcan. The core fell in, and I bumped my hip against the drawer to close it.

“Thounds fun.” Sollux replied. I made an annoyed noise in that back of my throat but it came out more like a purr. He smirked. I glared.

“What’s so funny?” I snarled, crossing my arms and leaning against the counter.

“You’re tho cute.” Sollux said simply. My face flamed, and I blindly reached behind me and threw a grapefruit at his head. He ducked, and it hit the ground with a thud, rolling off to the side.

“Wow. I compliment you, and you throw thingth at me?” Sollux cocked an eyebrow, but he seemed more amused than annoyed. Infuriating asshat.

“Go die in a hole.” I mumbled, touching my cheek and finding that it was still warm. He just chuckled, and my eye twitched again.

“Tho I’m supposed to dress up?” Sollux tapped his slender fingers on the table. “Obviously, you dumbass. Wear a suit or something.” I said, grabbing the towel off the couch  and drying my hair. I spent about five minutes doing that, dropped the now damp towel on the counter, and ran a hand through my messy hair.

“What are you wearing?” He wasn’t looking at me; his gaze was on his phone, and I realized that I should probably take his number.

“Hey, Captor, what’s your cell number?” I asked, and he looked up, a frown on his face.

“You know, you thould call me by my name.” Sollux chided, glancing at his phone and smiling to himself.

“Just answer the question, asshole.” I snapped, not wanting to deal with him at the moment.

“Give me your phone.”  
I grudgingly took my phone from where it was charging and handed it to him; Sollux typed something on it and gave it back. His phone gave a little beep, and he typed another message. This time, my phone chimed.

_hii kk, what2 up babe?_

WHY THE F*CK DO YOU TYPE LIKE THAT?

_2 iis a lucky number, 2o II type 2’s iin2tead of s._

_WHAT ABOUT THE DOUBLE I’S?_

_II look2 liike the roman numeral for 2_

_OH._

I looked up from my screen to see him smirking at me. I looked around for the grapefruit on the floor, and I think he could sense my rage because he said hastily, “Well, I need to get to know you better. Tho, tell me about yourthelf.” He propped his head up on his hands, putting his glasses back on.

“Fine. I’m 21. I don’t like loud, annoying people.” Here, Sollux snickered, but I ignored him. “I hate chocolate. I have an addiction to spicy noodles I don’t like weak people. My favorite color is gray. I like rom-cons. I hate dressing up. I hate most of the population. I hate my new fake boyfriend. Your turn.” I gave him a cold look.

“I like thweeth (sweets), but not chocolate. I like anything thpithy (spicy) too. Watching horror movieth is fun. I like blue, red, and yellow, but my favorite is red.” Sollux gave me a piercing look. I stared back.

“You’re bloody amazing.” I said sarcastically, and he shot back, “Not ath amazing ath you, emo freak.”

“I’m not an emo freak, freak.”

“Wow, how inthulting.”

“Your lisp is so retarded.”

“Like I can help it.”

“You can.”

“And tell me how, if you’re tho thmart.”

“Figure it out yourself, f*ckass.”

“Again with the anger. What’th with you and thwearing?”

I glared at him. He looked annoyed. My glare darkened. He rolled his eyes.

“I think we thould go on a date.” Sollux finally said, and my eyes popped.

“Excuse me, douche muffin?” I growled, narrowing my eyes.

“For practith. Or you’ll meth up tomorrow.” He pointed out. I blew a piece of hair out of my eyes in frustration, knowing h had a point.

“Fine. One date. That’s it. Why are you smirking?! Arrogant prick!” I yelled this last part, causing his smirk to grow. I leaned forward and punched his thin arm.

“Ow, KK.” Sollux grinned at me, the hit not affecting him at all. 

“Tho, get ready. We’re leaving in ten minuth.” He said, and I blinked, scowling at him.

I stood up and stalked out of the room, calling over my shoulder, “Don’t call me that, Captor!”

He just laughed.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date time. Nothing goes right for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't even a good fanfic lol

I came out wearing my trademark dark red turtleneck, not bothering to comb my hair. It wasn’t like anything could actually untangle the knots. Bloody pain it was.

“Ready?” Sollux asked. He was waiting at the front door, raising an eyebrow at my wardrobe choice. I narrowed my eyes at him, daring him to say anything. He just grinned and took my hand. I felt my heart speed up a bit but brushed it off and squeezed his hand as hard as I could. He winced.

“How romantic.” Sollux mumbled, shooting me a dirty look. I smirked triumphantly and tugged him towards the door. I heard him muttering under his breath and stifled a snicker.

“So where the hell are we going, Captor?” I asked him as soon as we were down the steps to the sidewalk and I had locked the front door. He just winked at me, leading me down the road towards a corner I hadn’t been before. It lengthened out into a much longer path, and it was 20 more minutes before we emerged onto a hillside.

I dropped his hand and gazed around in wonder. A gentle breeze ruffled my hair slightly, and the sun was high in the sky, warming my face with bright rays. Little blue and pink flowers dotted the grass, and the sky was a perfect, solid blue.

I turned to see Sollux grinning at me. I gave him a hesitant, small smile. His grin stretched across his face as he suddenly tackled me. I yelped as we both rolled down the hill. I could only see flashes of yellow and blue as we continued to roll. He was laughing, I could tell. Finally, we stopped; I looked up at him. He was basically straddling me, that grin still on his face.

“Hey KK?” he breathed, his face inches away from mine. I swallowed hard, not knowing why I suddenly felt so nervous.

“Yeah?” I managed to get out, my mouth dry.

“You have really pretty eyeth.” He whispered, leaning in.

Suddenly I could feel his warm breath on his face, and smell the lingering taste of honey. He was close, so close that if he moved even a centimeter closer our lips would be touching—

“Oh _hell_ no!” I shoved him off, my face flushing red. He hit the ground with a thump and sat up, frowning at me. I gave him a death glare, brushing grass from my turtleneck and picking twigs out of my hair.

“What did I do wrong?” he crossed his arms, watching as I sat up as well, glaring fiercely. I rolled my eyes. As if he didn’t know.

“Thee, thith ith what I mean. If we’re dating, we have to kith.” Sollux snapped, his eyes crackling in annoyance. I huffed, standing up and brushing dirt off my jeans, knowing he had a point.

“On the cheek.” I hissed, and he just sighed and pecked my cheek. I wiped it away after, and he made a hurt face back at me.

“Douche,” I mumbled, looking around the hillside. It was silent; the birds that had been chirping earlier were silenced. It was actually a nice place. I was sure Sollux would take me to some run down alleyway, so it was a pleasant shock.

I turned to find him typing something into his phone. Wondering why he was so obsessed with it, I stomped over and ripped it out of his hands, glaring.

“Pay attention to me, douche!” I snapped, slipping it into my back pocket. He growled in protest and approached me quickly. I started to take a step backwards and suddenly he was kissing me.

His lips were chapped and soft and holy shit—I loved it the warm feeling in my stomach and I was kissing him back urgently and I felt his hands slide into my back pockets an pull me closer and I didn’t know what to do—

He lurched back with a smug smirk, his phone is his hand, leaving me breathless and red-faced. My jaw dropped as I stared at him.

“Now that ith a kith.” Sollux smirked at my dumbstruck expression. I regained enough of my senses to raise my hand and strike him across his face. His eyes widened in shock and I savored the priceless look on his face as he gingerly touched the red star on his cheek.

“What the hell, Karkat?”

Oh shit. He actually sounded angry, for the first time. I took a timid step backwards as he advanced on me.

“I actually am trying in this fake relationthip, unlike you!” he snarled, venom lacing his tone. I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him.

“It’s fake, you know! I don’t have to try!” I yelled back, clenching my fists.

“Yeah you do!” he shot back.

“No!”

“Yeth!”

“No!”

“Yeth!”

“Argh! You infuriating, cocky prick!’ I stomped away, not bothering to turn back.

That wasn’t such a great move.

Sollux had leaded me here, so I had no idea where to go. In the end, I had to call Gamzee and ask him to pick me up. He sounded in a really good mood, which meant he was with Tavros, or he had taken acid.

After a while, a beaten up pickup truck rounded the corner. The window rolled open and Gamzee grinned at me. Sure enough, Tavros was riding shotgun, a nervous smile on his face as he said, “Hi K-Karkat.”

I rolled my eyes and climbed into the back, ignoring the kiss Gamzee gave his boyfriend.

“Be nice, Karbro.” The purple-eyed man chided, slamming his foot on the pedal. We turned, the tires screeching against the road.

“What, uh, about Sollux?” Tavros asked hesitantly. I crossed my arms, pressing my foot to the door so I didn’t fall to the side, and gave him a death glare. In the front, Gamzee starting chuckling.

“Did you and your boyfriend and fight?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow. I wanted to smack that amused expression off his face so badly, but as the truck lurched to the side and I almost fell off the seat, I decided to take my revenge later.

By the time Gamzee dropped me off, he had cracked ten jokes about Sollux and me. Tavros had laughed a little, but upon meeting my death stare, had shut up immediately.

“See ya tomorrow at the wedding, motherf*cker!” he called before driving away at a speed that had to be illegal. I felt a little bad for his poor boyfriend.

I went into the house and locked the door, sighing to myself. Maybe I had overreacted; slapping Sollux wasn’t the proper reaction. I took out my phone and stared at his contact name, wondering if I should text him or not.

I pressed his number and put the phone to my ear, waiting for him to pick up.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late, sorry.

“What do you want?” Sollux’s voice sounded annoyed, and I huffed, replying sharply, “Nice way of greeting your boyfriend.”

“Oh. Thup, KK?” he didn’t sound angry anymore; more like curious. I frowned, not knowing how to say I was sorry. I wasn’t the type of guy to apologize so easily.

“I was just checking to make sure your pathetic feelings weren’t hurt.” I said. I could hear him snicker over the line and growled.

“Apology accepted.” He was smirking, I could tell. That prick.

“I didn’t apologize you f*cking ass!” I yelled, wondering how he could read my so easily over the phone. Or maybe I was just that obvious? Not like that mattered to him, of course. He didn’t care. He was just doing this because the company paid him.

“That’th becauth you aren’t good at admitting your mithtakth. It’th ok.” Sollux was surprisingly kind about this matter, and I didn’t even realize a soft smile had appeared on my face.

Hastily converting my features back into their regular scowl, even though no one was around, I grumbled, “Yeah, yeah.” He simply laughed, a nice sound that sparked butterflies in my stomach for some reason.

“AA, you’re back! Gotta go.” he hung up, but not before I heard a giggle. It was defnintely from a girl. My stomach twisted and I stared dumbly at my phone. Who was AA? And more importantly, why did I feel so queasy all of a sudden?

I spent the rest of the day watching rom-coms, destroying my closet and throwing clothes everywhere, splattering paint all over the flat, eating ice cream, and didn’t look at my phone even once.

I eventually fell asleep on the couch around 1 am, forgetting tomorrow was the wedding.

* * *

When I woke up, I was wrapped in a blanket and on my bed. I fumbled around, to see I was wearing an oversized Gemini shirt. I clutched my aching head and groaned. I didn’t recall putting this shirt on, or even owning it…I hear demented whistling and the smell of pancakes waft in from the kitchen. Narrowing my eyes, I stalked into the said room and was about to sock Sollux in the stomach when I saw John on the table, humming happily when he saw me.

I went over to Sollux, whose back was turned to me. I hugged him from behind, burying my face in his back. He chuckled, flipped another pancake, and turned so we were eye-to-eye. I could feel a blush rising on my face at the close contact as he kissed my forehead lightly.

“Thleep well?” Sollux asked as he turned back to making the pancakes. Knowing he was the one who had put me into the bed and cleaned around a bit, I nodded. John grinned at me, but it seemed a little forced.

“Shouldn’t you be with Strider?” I asked bluntly, and his face fell. I sighed.

“Explain.” I said bluntly.

“We had a fight…over where some of the guests would sit. The most important ones would be in the front. There wasn’t enough room for Jade, so he said not to put her in the front row. He said I was a brat and I called him a jerk. Then I left his house.” John bit his lip, his usual bubbly demeanor cracking. I felt a little bad, and tensed up when Sollux rested his chin on my head, his slender fingers running down my side lightly.

“Maybe you two thould talk it out. I bet he’th thorry for insulting you.” He suggested, his hand still touching my side. John nodded.

“That’s a good idea, Sollux! Thank you!” he hugged my ‘boyfriend’ and ran out. I stifled a laugh; despite how opposite we were, he still amused me. Sollux was still right behind me, setting down a plate of pancakes in front of me.

“You don’t have to act anymore.” I said as I watched him bustle around the kitchen, getting a glass of milk and a fork for me.

“I know.” He grinned and sat where John had earlier. I blinked at him, noticing he was wearing his glasses again, but didn’t comment and started to eat. He was staring at me the whole time, and I began to feel a little self conscious as he suddenly smirked.

“You have thomething right here…” he wiped a bit of whipped cream off the side of my lips, turning my face a light red.

“I’m going to smack that smirk off your face.” I threatened as I finished up, scarping my fork along the bottom of the plate and licking the syrup off of it. He just grinned, that infuriating bast—

“Hey, KK? Why did you trath your place?” Sollux questioned, resting his elbow on the table. His glasses slid down his nose so I could see his amazing eyes. Wait—amazing? No, I did _not_ just think that.

“Lost in thought?” Sollux snapped his fingers in front of my face, and I jumped, pretending I hadn’t just been transfixed by his eyes.

“Douche. Why did you put me in my bed and clean up a little?” I cast a look around the apartment, seeing that the ouch pillows were still covered in paint and popcorn was littered on the floor. All the glass pieces, however, were swept up and in a pile by the corner, and the paint stains had been scrubbed off the floor. The work that would have taken me all day was mostly gone.

“I didn’t want to wake you up.” He shrugged, fiddling with a napkin on the table. I sighed and pushed my chair back, dropping my plate into the sink.

“The wedding is in two hours, so you better get ready.” I told him.

“My thuff is already here.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes.

“Creep.” I shot over my shoulder as I got a towel for the shower. I had stripped down and was about to turn on the water when the knob twisted. Swearing, I grabbed my towel and covered myself up in time. Sollux poked his head in, dark blonde hair more ruffled than ever.

“You know, we could contherve water by—“

“NO! Get out!” I hugged the towel closer to my body, my face flaming red. He chuckled, opening the door further. I grabbed the toothpaste bottle off the counter and threw it at him. He ducked and retreated. Victoriously, I slammed the door and locked it, hanging the towel back on the rack.

That guy was going to be the death of me.

As I stepped into the shower and let the hot water pour over my hair, I started to relax. Two days were already over. Five more couldn’t hurt, right?

I came out, drying myself, and then swore at the top of my lungs when I realize I had forgotten to bring my clothes. The bathroom was all the way at the end of the hall, my room three doors away. I would have made a run for it, but Sollux was here. I didn’t think he would rip the towel off of me, but I was very self conscious of my body. With my round face, scrawny frame, and thin arms, I wasn’t too great looking.

“Sol!” I yelled, not knowing I had given him a nickname in the moment.

“Yeah?” his voice was a bit muffled.

“Can you get me clothes?” I prayed he wouldn’t say no and laugh. He knocked twice on the door, and when I stuck my head out, there was a neat stack of folded clothes. I grabbed them and locked the door.

When I was done changing, I started to towel dry my hair. walking down the hall, I peered into my room to see Sollux, shirtless. I knew I was blushing, and I snapped my head back, taking a deep breath and fanning my warm face. I heard footsteps turned to see him wearing a dark yellow suit. His tie had bees on it, and his hair was spiked and gelled into sharp points. His eyes were revealed, seeming more bright than usually.

In other words, he looked like a fucking sex god.

I turned back to the fridge, saying, “Your hair looks stupid.” He laughed, which made my eye twitch.

“Aren’t you going to get ready?” he asked, resting his chin on my shoulder. It was a little ticklish, and I shrugged him off. At least, I tried. He just dug his chin in more, grinning. I clamped a hand to my mouth as I giggled. He pulled back, then twisted me around so I was pinned against the counter. He started to tickle my sides, making me giggle again.

“Stop!” I snorted and laughed, not able to control myself. He just grinned, continuing the action until I buried my face in his shoulder, hiccupping.

“S-Sol!” I gasped, and relaxed as he finally stopped. I was sitting up on the counter, clinging to him. I let go immediately, noticing the little frown that flashed across his face.

“You’re tho cute.” He sighed, kissing my nose before stepping back so I could jump down from the counter. Blushing a little, I did so, scowling at him.

“Asshat.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding time :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I can't do wedding scenes sorry.

I was finally ready for this god damned stupid wedding. My spiky hair had been somewhat tamed, my cologne was sprayed in the appropriate places, and my suit was spotless. I was having trouble with my tie though.

“Need help?” Sollux walked out of the bathroom where he had been fixing his hair. He looked good, as always. No, not as always. Look away, Karkat! Stop staring at him.

“Yeah, sure.” I mumbled, looking up at him as he fixed my crooked red tie and tucked away the ends.

“Red, huh? To match your eyeth?” he asked, and I nodded, rolling my eyes.

“That, and my ex girlfriend likes the color red.” I noticed that when I said this, his eyes flared a little.

“You thill care about her?” Sollux asked casually, going to the front door to slip on his fancy dress shoes, which I assumed he brought along with the suit.

“Well she’s still my friend.” I answered, getting my own shoes on and looking for my keys. They were nowhere to be found. I swore under my breath as I tossed aside magazines and paper cups, digging through piles to find it.

“We can take my car.” Sollux grabbed my arm and steered me outside. I growled upon seeing his nice red BMW. I could have sworn he had a silver one yesterday…

I got into the front seat, and he started up the car. He winked at me, and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Just freaking drive, asshole.”

“How nithe of you, KK.” He chuckled and backed out of the driveway, the car smoothly cruising along. I searched the invitation for the directions, and directed Sollux on where to go.  by the time we got there, we were one of the first ones there.

John was standing in the back of the little room where the special guests met, his blue eyes alive and sparkling like some anime character. Dave was getting his tie adjusted by Rose, which I snickered at. Gamzee was sitting in one of the chairs, wearing a purple suit, with Tavros standing near him in a black suit.

“Karkat!” John nearly tackled me as he hugged me. I had to smile a little and ruffle his hair.

“Watch it, Egbert.” I warned, and he grinned, turning his attention to my ‘boyfriend.’

“Nice to see you again, Sollux!” John beamed at him. That kid was way too happy.

“Thame to you.” Sollux pretended to shoot him with a gun, and both laughed. I groaned when Dave walked up to us, examining Sollux, who wrapped an arm around my waist. My first instinct was to punch him, but I made myself relax.

“Hm. Captor, take good care of little Karkitty for us.” The blonde smirked, reaching out to pat my head. I moved backwards and snarled, “I will maim you, Strider!”

“Now, now. No fighting today.” Kanaya chided. Vriska entered the room a few minutes later, eyeing Tavros with a witchy smile. She was the reason he was so nervous and scared of people. I watched as Gamzee protectively pulled him closer. Terezi was next to enter, looking nice in a green and red dress.

“Karkles!” she flung herself at me. Sollus stumbled back, narrowing his eyes as she kissed my cheek over and over again.

“I love your tie!” she smiled widely, her teeth slightly pointy. I managed a little grin.

As Eridan and Feferi came in, Sollux cast his eyes over. He nodded at Eridan, who sent him a look in return. I managed to escape Terezi, and clung to Sollux’s side. It was better than her trying to eat my tie. He chuckled, pulling me closer and leaning down to kiss me.

Luckily, John called out, “Everyone! Can I have your attention?”

The chatter died down, and heads swiveled around to look at him. Dave interrupted by dipping John and kissing him. He blushed, arms flailing for a second before he pulled himself up. The blonde grinned at him.

“Well, go on.” Dave told him.

“Uhm, yes, well, it’s about to start. So the actual ceremony doesn’t start for 20 minutes, so just talk out in the main room. After that is the party, held in the other building.” John said, and most people nodded. Since no one was looking at us, I slapped away Sollux’s hand, which had been creeping around my waist.

He smiled innocently, and I growled under my breath as the crowd dispersed out the door. We were one of the last people to exit, and I saw the soon-to-be married couple smiling and exchanging kisses in between words.

I could feel jealously pool in my stomach, and glared as the ground as Sollux led the way to the main room. I didn’t realize he had sat at the table with Gamzee and Tavros. By then, I was too late.

“So you’re Solbro.” Gamzee grinned lazily at him. I mentally pitched myself off a cliff.

“That’th right. And you’re Gamthee.” Sollux replied.

“Tavros.” The shy brunette smiled a little. Sollux smiled gently, putting Tavros at ease. He had a way with people, I realized. They liked him and trusted him with just a few words.

“So tell me, how did you two motherf*ckers find each other?” Gamzee asked the question so bluntly that I blushed.

“Aww, well, I saw KK at a club, and immediately he caught my attention.” The heartfelt way that Sollux said this made all my anger fade, replaced by actual elation. Which was stupid, as we weren’t really dating.

“Same with Sol, and he came over to ask me to dance. Who could say no?” I lied easily, leaning into his touch as he wrapped an arm around me.

Tavros smiled at this, a blush creeping onto his cheeks as Gamzee pecked the corner of his lips.  
“Well, uh, that’s a nice place to meet.” Tavros added to the conversation.

“Where did you and Gamthee meet?” Sollux asked. I kicked his ankle; why would he ask that?

“He, uh, saved me from getting hit by a car…” Tavros mumbled, ducking his head. Gamzee smiled a little.

“Yeah, Tavbabe here was so scared and just froze in place. I’m glad I was there.” He ruffled the younger boy’s Mohawk. I was pretty shocked that Gamzee hadn’t flipped out. Tavros usually hated remembering the day, because Vriska had been driving the car.

“I think the ceremony is about to start.” I broke in, noticing that people were taking their seats. I grabbed Sollux’s hand and steered him to our seats in the first row. We sat and waited as all the gusts assembled. At the front, Dav was waiting in his dark red suit, shades off for once. His crimson eyes shone as he stared at someone walking down the aisle. I turned a little to see John, clad in a blue suit that matched his azure eyes perfectly (I assumed Kanaya had something to do with that), smiling as he walked down the aisle.

There was a bunch of words and promises that I didn’t bother to listen to, and then the priest asked the blonde, “Do you, Dave Strider, take John Egbert to be your husband?”

“I do.”

“And do you, John Egbert, take Dave Strider to be your husband?”

“I do.”

Red eyes met blue eyes, and then the two were kissing, and everyone was on their feet clapping and wiping away tears. In the moment, Sollux pecked my cheek, making butterflies in my stomach flutter like crazy.

Which wasn’t the reason, of course. It must have been my breakfast. I had to smile at the new couple, who only had eyes for each other.

If only I had that perfect romance.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama. That's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh how I love drama.

The party was wild.

 With multicolored lights flashing everywhere and the loud music, the party almost seemed like one at a club. But since everyone was wearing elegant dresses of nice suits, it didn’t really complete the image. Sollux grinned at me, his dual colored eyes reflecting different colors.

John and Dave were dancing in the middle of the floor, the blonde trying to get the other to pole dance.

I swayed to the beat, and so did he, pulling me closer. My breath hitched as I stared up at him. One of his arms snaked around my waist, and I let him, secretly enjoying. Not that I would ever tell him that.

“I’ll get us drinks!” he yelled over the loud, pounding music and I nodded, missing the warmth when he let go of me. I made my way over to a table, where Tavros was sitting miserably. I gave him a weird look.

His gaze was locked on two people dancing, and I looked over to see Gamzee and Vriska dancing very close together, their hips touching. Tavros’s big brown eyes were glossy in the bright lights. I sighed and patted his back a little.

I looked around for Sollux but couldn’t see him anywhere. Getting up, I ducked between people, weaving through the crowd to a corner, when my heart dropped in my chest and clenched painfully.

Sollux and a girl with long black hair were grinding against each other, both smirking and laughing. Full on bodies pressing close. I felt like throwing up. 

 My stomach had started hurting, so I sat down outside one of the benches, taking off my jacket.

I drew my knees to my chest and dropped my head into them. I didn’t know why I felt so upset.

It wasn’t because Sollux had been dancing with this girl with long black hair. Nope. It had nothing to do with that fact. Nothing at all.

“KK? You out here?” Sollux called, walking out of the doors. Loud pounding music floated down the path before the door closed again. He caught sight of me and frowned.

“What’th up?” he asked, sitting next to me. I could feel hurt rise up inside of me, and tried to keep it under control. Whenever my emotions got out of control, it always ended in a major breakdown.

“Nothing.” I said stiffly. He raised an eyebrow, tugging gently at my hair. I raised my head a little, not wanting him to see the tears burning my eyes. Why was I feeling like this? I didn’t care about him. At least, I didn’t think I did.

“Fine. Then I’ll go back in. I need to find AA anyway.” Sollux snapped, eyes crackling. I watched his back as he headed for the doors, then yelled, “We’re dating! Why are you going to go grind with another girl?”

This stopped him.

He turned, an enraged look on his face. I glared at him, my eyes probably red-rimmed by now, but I didn’t care. I kept the angry façade that I didn’t really feel on as Sollux got up in my face.

“I can danth with whoever the hell I want!”

“We’re dating, jackass!”

“Not really.”

“Yeah, really.”

“God, KK. It’s just a f*cking stupid fake act.” His voice was low, as not to be heard. Upon hearing this, I felt something inside of me snap. I got to my feet, knowing tears were running down my face and yelled, “You don’t understand anything!”

As for the next thing I did, I was pretty ashamed off.

I turned and ran, turning the corner. I jumped into the back of Gamzee’s truck and had a good cry. Poor little pathetic me.

* * *

Gamzee found me, of course. He knew me well enough to cover me with a blanket, announce to the others that he was going to drive around to look for me, and headed in the direction of my house. I had stopped crying, but there was still a broken expression on my face.

Gamzee picked me out, and I buried my face in his chest, inhaling shakily. He rubbed my back as he closed the door behind him with his foot and set me down on the couch.

“What happened, Karbro? I hear yelling…” he said concernedly, purple eyes studying me closely. I told him everything that had happened, my voice cracking a few times. He frowned deeply.

“What do you mean by motherf*cking fake?” he questioned. My eyes widened. Shit. Of course, I had to explain to him in a ashamed voice how Sollux was my fake date. He looked hurt, and I knew he was upset I had made up a reason to kick him out of the house.

“Well, good luck, bro.” Gamzee stood up abruptly, and my face crumpled. He sighed, gave me one last hug, and left.

He left me alone to cry into a pillow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait?!

I would have stayed in bed all day and night for a month, but unfortunately, there was a series of follow up parties to the wedding. Just great.

I rolled out of bed to find a dozen missed calls and at least thirty texts from Sollux, but I ignored them all. I dialed Gamzee’s number, even though it was only 7 am.

“Hey Karbro.” He said in a flat tone. I sighed, assuming he was still mad at me.

“Look, Gam, I know you’re mad. But can you please cover for me and tell people I’m sick?” I asked him in a desperate tone.

“Alright.” He said, and I hung up. I flopped back into bed and pulled the covers on, falling asleep once more.

My dreams were filled with giant, angry bees chasing me with poisonous stingers and Gamzee dressed in a suit and shaking his head slowly, solemnly. I woke up nearly screaming as the bees overpowered me.

Still shaking, I headed into the kitchen and splashed my face with water. I glanced out the window and jumped when I saw a familiar red car parked outside. Quickly shutting off the kitchen light, I scurried into my room and closed the door.

Sure enough, I heard a loud pounding and Sollux’s voice demanding, “KK? Let me in. I know you’re in there.”

I put a pillow over my head and tried to drown out his voice. Tears formed in my eyes. I was a pathetic, sniveling mess. Eventually the banging stopped and I lifted my head to listen. There was no sound.

I stayed thee for another half hour, just in case he was still there, and then got up to make myself breakfast. I slowly ate a bowl of cereal and curled onto the couch, pulling a blanket over me. I just wanted to stay there forever but of course, fate had other ideas.

About two hours later, Gamzee aroused me. His purple eyes studied me closely as I groggily rubbed my eyes and muttered, “Hnnhg?”

“You have to up and go to this dinner tonight.” He whispered, stroking my hair gently. I shook my head but he shook my shoulders, frowning a little.

“John personally requested you there.” Gamzee picked me up, much to my surprise, and dropped me in the bathroom. I yelled in outrage and found he had barred the door.

“Take a shower, Karbro.”

I could tell he was grinning. I screeched a cuss word at him through the door but stripped down and turned on the shower. I let the warm water pour over my body and sighed. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Sollux again. He probably hated me anyway. The thought made my eyes water and I was glad I was in the shower.

When I was done, I wrapped the towel around me and peered outside. Gamzee was passed out on my couch. Typical stoner. I rolled my eyes and headed to my bedroom, where I pulled on a hoodie and a pair of jeans.

The party wasn’t until later, so I threw a blanket over Gamzee and left the house. I headed for the park, where I sat on a bench near the pond and watched the little ducks quack and wade in the water.

Happy, laughing couples walked by, and I felt my throat close up. My eyes stung, but I refused to cry. I wouldn’t. I could be strong, and overcome this, right?

Of course I couldn’t. I had to face the fact that I was falling for Sollux. And fast too.

I sighed a little, and once the sun had rose up in the sky to the point where it was actually becoming hot, I headed back to my house. Gamzee was still snoring on my couch, so I turned the lights off and locked myself away in my bedroom.

I stared at Sollux’s number, wanting to call him so bad but also too afraid of what he might say,

I did some paperwork and bills and messed around for a bit before my phone rang, I picked up without looking at the screen.

“KK?”

I froze, not daring to even breath as I slowly moved the phone away from my ear.

“KK, I know you’re there!”

His voice was snappy and irritated and I felt like throwing the phone across the room. With great speed I moved my finger towards the end button.

“Please, KK, I don’t know why—“

I dropped my phone and drew my knees to my chest, feeling shaky. This feeling was new to me, and I hated it. Heartbreak sucked. I sighed and stood up, deciding to end this little pity fest by waking up my idiot of a friend.

“Gamzee frickin Makara, wake up!” I hissed in his ear and shook him hard. He snored even louder and rolled to the side. I pushed him back so he didn’t fall and groaned. Sitting next to him, I had to smile fondly at him and rub his back. Even though I had been a horrible friend he was still here for me.

When he woke up, I was watching some drama on a low volume, eating chips. He snagged a few and sat up.

“Get your own.” I snapped and held the bag away from him. he chuckled a little and stretched, yawning. He joined me in the watching of the sappy drama, which I did not cry over. Of course I didn’t.

Eventually Gamzee turned of the TV and turned to me with a questioning look. I gave him a scowl in return, wanting to watch the drama some more, but he wasn’t up for it.

“So, when are you going to tell him?” he asked ne nonchalantly.

“Tell who what?” I gave him a confused look.

“Tell Solbro you love him.”

I choked on the chip I had just popped into my mouth. He grinned and patted my back to keep me from dying of some god damn unholy death by chips.

“Excuse me?” I narrowed my eyes once I had caught my breath.

“You heard me.” He cocked an eyebrow, challenging me. I thought over my next words and decided it would be best for Gamzee not to get involved.

“You need to back the hell up, Gam. I don’t love him. it’s a simple crush.” I stated simply.

“So simple that you ran away from a wedding?”

Damn. He got me there. I chose to huff and turn away from him

“Ok, ok, brother. I’m up and done. But there’s something you need to motherf*ckin know about the party.” He spoke in a serious tone.

“What?” I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at him.

“Since Johnbro is Johnbro, he’s decided to have a costume party.” Gamzee explained.

“And I already have an outfit picked out for you.” He winked, and I internally groaned. I was already dreading this stupid party tings were going to go majorly wrong, I knew.

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

~Sollux~

I was one pissed off guy.

First off, Karkat wouldn’t answer any of my calls. And the one where he finally did pick up, and I was practically on the verge of begging him to talk back, he hung up on me.

When he had yelled at me, crying, I felt something in me snap at the sight of the anguished face of my ‘boyfriend,’

By now, I had learned to accept the fact that I really did like Karkat. No, I loved him.

I loved how adorable he looked when he was mad, his nose scrunched up and his eyes flashing. I loved how cute he was when we had to put on a fake front and he would hug me and let me hug him back. I even loved how he constantly was yelling at me.

But of course, I knew he didn’t return my feelings. The one amazing kiss we shared had been stopped by him slapping me. I didn’t know why I even bothered with him sometimes, but at other times I just wanted to grab his cute little face and kiss him.

But anyway. I was on my way to the costume party John and Dave were throwing. I gave a soft sigh as I entered the room, seeing John in a very suggestive outfit and Dave in a dress.

God these people were weird.

I started to talk to Eridan for a bit, which basically meant us throwing insults back and forth at each other, and then went over to a pretty girl with deep blue eyes. I chatted with her a bit about the party. Suddenly, her eyes widened and focused on someone behind me.

“Karkat! How delicious you look!”

My eyes widened slightly and I forced myself to remain calm as I turned around. And holy shit, I was not prepared for the sight that greeted me. I was not prepared for that short black dress at all.

My gaze was hocked for a second as I checked him out, then turned around and walked away to go find Gamzee or something. I was so close to just grabbing him and kissing him. I took a deep breath and heard a commotion. I turned just in time to see Karkat dragging a probably drunk Gamzee outside. I couldn’t help it; I quickly followed them.

Karkat locked his friend in the car and then turned around to face me. His eyes widened and he swallowed hard before saying, “Do you need something?”

“Yeth, actually. Your attention.” I snapped back, crossing my arms. I had him cornered against the wall and the car.

“Well you have it. Talk, dumbass.” His voice hard a shaky undertone to it. I could easily detect it.

“Explain your breakdown at the wedding.” I told him, and he shook his head before I had even finished talking.

“I am not talking to you about shit! Not after what you did to me!” his voice cracked, and my eyes widened behind glasses.

“What I did to you? What do you mean by that?” I demanded. Yes, I shouldn’t have danced with AA like that. But that was just the type of friends we were. Karkat clearly didn’t understand.

“You know what.” He said stubbornly, looking away. I could see traces of glitter on his eyelids, probably from the makeup he had applied. Adorable, I found myself thinking.

“You said I don’t underthand anything. What do I not get?” I asked in a softer tone, and his red-rimmed gaze cut back to my curious one.

“I like you, fuckass, ok? Not-not fake like, I mean really like. And I know you don’t like me back but—“  
I wrapped my arms around him and quickly leaned down, giving him a soft but meaningful peck on the lips. Karkat stopped midsentence, a blush creeping up his cheeks and his mouth dropping. His eyes looked even more stunning with the eyeliner he had used.

“I guess you like me too, huh?” He finally managed to get out, stumbling a little over his words, trying to regain his composure. I smirked a little and nodded.

“Good.” He wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me again. I felt his smile against my lips and chuckled into the kiss, angling my head to deepen it. We stood there for a while before I broke off.

“We thould go back inthide.” I said, taking his hand. His face was flushed from the kiss and he was a little wobbly, so I wrapped my arm around his waist instead.

When we got back inside, Vriska was intimidating Tavros, making him frown, and Dave was reaching down to pinch John’s ass. He squeaked and smacked him. I chuckled, and the newly married couple looked up at us and grinned.

“All made up I see.” John bounced, giving me a wide smile and Karkat a quick hug, who blushed harder and growled at him to back off. Dave nodded at us and used the opportunity to smack John’s rump.

~Karkat~

I couldn’t believe it when I felt Sollux’s soft but chapped lips against mine for the first time when we both wanted it. I could only stare at him.

The second kiss was truly amazing. Romantic mushy shit aside, I had never felt happier than this. Of course, I was also embarrassed, because I was a crappy kisser. Terezi herself had told me on our first date. But Sollux didn’t seem to mind; he seemed to find my flustered behavior amusing.

Once we got back inside and John had gotten his revenge on Dave (threatening he wouldn’t get laid tonight), Sollux and I struck up a conversation ad planned a real first date.

“I say the movies. There’s a good romance coming out.” I said.

“God no. How about ice skating?” he suggested. I made a face.

“Nice try, but I’m a major klutz.”

“How about I take you out for dinner?” he questioned, and a small smile spread over my face. “Sounds good to me.”

“Then it’th a date.” He squeezed my hand, and my smile grew.


End file.
